Monday, July 21, 2014

Better than a Hallelujah

Yesterday, July 20, 2014 was my Baptism, and it was way more special than many family members or friends realize.  The basis of this testimony goes back to July 16, 2013 when my brother Trace called and asked if he could come pray with me. I had been praying multiple times during the  first 66 days since this Bells Palsy began for a healing. I wanted this crap gone.

Trace and I made plans for him to come down the next night, and what a prayer he said.  I echoed his prayers silently for the next 3 days. On July 20, 2013 shortly after 3:30 in the afternoon as I sat here counting the minutes until I could pop another pain pill, I got a healing. I was 70 days into this Bells journey and well it had been extremely rough.

With this healing came the ability to speak more than a word at a time, my ability to see came back and the ability to smell very strong scents returned. I could finally get a spoon in my mouth easier and I was on top of the world because I knew the prayers (the one Trace said and mine after I prayed with him) were answered.

I went to church the next day with Trace and his wife Cindy and the Praise team sang “Mighty to Save”.  One of the lines in that song is ‘He can move the mountains’ and well since God had moved the mountain the left side of my face had become I took it as a sign that I was meant to be in this church.  I immediately felt at home.

Prayer is a daily thing for me and I know God understands that those prayers before he moved my mountain were straight from the heart. My prayers before Trace prayed with me were blunt I am not proud of them. I did tell Trace the basis of those prayers but I remained silent about them for the most part because I am so ashamed. However, yesterday, after I had been baptized the realization set in about those unanswered prayers in a beautiful song.

Carol and Kathy sang “Better than a Hallelujah” by Amy Grant and did a great job on it. The first line of that song got me and had me in tears, and I kept wiping them away through the service.

Before I got that first healing I was praying to God to heal me or bring me home. I apologize to mom, Amber, Alex, Timmy, and  the rest of my family for saying that but I was in a very bad place. I was so relieved with the healing when God moved my mountain, but that bad prayer kept haunting me.

When those ladies sang “Better than a Hallelujah” , I realized God did not hear my painful words in those first 66 days before Trace prayed with me God just heard my music. With that understanding came the peace I had been searching for. I have come along ways from that dark place, and I am much stronger now.
I may never be healed from the physical aspect of this awful thing called Bells Palsy, but I know in that millisecond between when I close my eyes for the final time in this world  and open them for the first time in Heaven I will be totally healed.  If God chooses to heal me totally before then, it will be a miracle I will celebrate with style.

Perhaps my face has not been healed as I wanted it, but, I am realizing I got a far more powerful healing  than I could have imagined. Over the past 15 months since I got sick, my soul got the healing it so desperately needed.  I no longer judge my fellow humans, and my empathy is stronger than it has ever been. I think before I speak as I have too so no bloopers emerge.  I got humbled and am not as independent as I once was. The greatest part of that healing is I am walking right with God once more, and that brings the peace I have been searching for so long.

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